Rewind

Back to square one. I knew it would just come & sneak up on me. Bad idea just staying here 'cause what else is there to do but think? I thought too much, even when it was over. It won't go away completely, but I'm slowly getting over it. It just sucks to know I'm the only one who shows it. That's what hurts the most. I don't know what I want. Actually I do. I want things to go back to normal, but I know that'll never happen. I guess I thought that things would get better after it was done & over with, but it just got worse. A lot of people are here to help me get through it & I'm so thankful, I don't know what the fuck I would do without them. So thank you for keeping my head up & speaking the truth. I pretty much deleted most of everything to get over things more quickly. It's helping, I'm healing. Leona Lewis that genius! No emo though. I have to just focus on what's important at the moment. What used to be one of my main priorities is slowly becoming one of the last things on my mind. There's no use trying to make something happen, when there's nothing to work with. It was good while it lasted & that's all I can ask for.

Most of you know what this concerns. It's super repetitive, but the venting stage will be done before Thanksgiving [: yay shopping.

Done.

I've realized that people change & I'm okay with that. But not over a span of week. I really hate it when people speak before they think. They say things that aren't true, but want to place blame on the other person. And I'm not really into being treated like that. People you thought were so amazing one day, turn into an asshole another day. I'm not one to just accept it, but I'm not the one to change it either. People separate & I can deal with that. Just don't agree to stay on good terms when you've spoken to me in a way that was disrespectful. At least give me that. I don't know where you went, but you disappeared on me. I've lost hope & now I'm ready to move on without you.

I'm gonna accept the love I think I deserve, & it's not gonna come from you.

Venting time over :]

Scattered

I've noticed that I'm always happy when it's Friday until Sunday night...then when I'm back @ msmc I'm so sad haha Plus, my face breaks out & clears up during the weekend. That explains a lot. Great observation. School's just too much right now & I'm never in the mood to study. Like today. I'm only thinking about Christmas break. Oh & Disneyland. We all look forward to the fun stuff & get totally distracted from what we're supposed to be focusing on. It's so bad, but suprisingly we get things done eventually. This is really repetitive, but I miss high school. Not the work, but compared to now, I really wish it was as easy as high school. But the thing I really miss is seeing everyone everyday. I'm still getting used to it. After 3 months of school it still hasn't registered that most of these people aren't spending 9+ hours a day with me. I still keep in touch with a few of them, & we pretty much talk about the same things. But it's not the same. We should just all have a reunion! 5 month reunion! I was looking at pictures from Senior Year. Just randomly going through them, the ones on my computer, the ones on facebook & the ones on my wall & I really, really wanna go back to high school. It's fun in college, but I haven't really transitioned yet. Hopefully I will soon. Oh & you know what else I did? I took out the Group Prom Picture from my desk drawer (which belong to Claudz & Nick, haha I'll give em to you guys soon!) & I just stared at it for a good 10 min. Okay no more reminiscing, time to study! Now that I've gotten all that off my chest, time to concentrate at 12am! Woo ♥