Do what it do.

As indecisive as I am, I still know what I want. I'm not gonna lower my standards cause it'll satisy someone else's needs, so being that way don't make me a btch. But sometimes I just need to learn how to say "no". I'm beginning to learn that it's gotten me & is gonna get me into awkward situations. When I've gone too deep, I can't seem to fuggin get myself out of it ASAP. Eventually, but never quick enough.

It's not really my priority to jump into something if I'm not ready. When I'm ready, the world will know. As for now, I don't really care. I really hate the pressure, so let me make my own decisions. But give me your input when I ask for it. For right now, I'm pretty chill the way things are. Give it time, it'll be mofouggin worth it. (:

Over it, fasho!

I've finally let go & it feels so fuggin good. It takes me a while to get over something that meant so much to me before & that's just me. I'm not gonna straight up ask for advice, I pretty much listen to my gut, but if I'm totes stuck, I'll give you the heads up. But oh yeah, I realized I attract the "nasties with great personalities." Whatta gift. Haha but forreal, I'm too nice for the world. If I come on as leading someone on, tell me. But I think whether I like you, or not, I'll talk to you the same way. Chill & straightforward. & with thee esstra happy faces, don't feel special. Everyone gets 'em. Just saying. As for now, I don't know what to do with everything else. Maybe I'll just keep 'em. I mean I'm never gonna forget all of it completely, right? But I can finafckingly say, I'M OVER IT. <33333333

FUG.

No. Please & thank you.

if i see you, i think i'd wanna walk the other way and never turn back. as long as it's been, i'm not ready to see you. even though it's summer, imma try any way to avoid the day we come into contact. i'm okay & i know for a fact that you are too. so with this entire "go our separate ways" deal, let's keep it that way. i'm not mad at you, i never was. i just know for a fact that i'm not ready to see you again and don't take that as an offense. i'm not gonna pretend to be happy to see you, that's just not fair. i think the whole being friends thing's gonna take longer than i hoped. things are back to the way they used to be, and i can honestly say, i'm finally happy again. it's as if we never knew the other existed & i think that's how things were meant to be all along.

UP

I've been having a totes hard time sleeping early. Insomnia has struck me bad. Thank you summer. 3am is the fuggin scary hour, but here I am, wide awake. Nothing planned for tomorrow/today. Spontaneity has been my back-up plan. I really can't believe that it's June already. Almost Sweet 19 (: Such an ugly number, but it's 2 away from the long waited 21. & so for the next two years, I'll just hafta stick it through. Growing older I've realized a few things.
-People come & go
-Be aggressive when necessary
-Things change, so be ready
-Sometimes the best thing is to move on
-Love what you have & who you are
& lastly
-Don't take anything, anyone or any day for granted.
* I'm still tryna keep these lessons imprinted in my mind. So bear in mind that I might forget 'em every now & then.
Random, but I fuggin cried about "11/12" two days ago. & in all honesty I don't know why. I guess THAT was what I needed to fully understand why things happened the way it did. I just had to tell the story one last time to finally let it all go. He was my first, & hopefully he won't be my last. Is it 'cause I have feelings for him still? Don't think so. They've been long gone. I think it's 'cause I just missed that feeling. I finally appreciated what I had, & it was taken away from me in a blink of an eye. It is true that you can't get over someone, unless someone else has replaced them. But what can I do? Answer: get back in the game. But I'm pretty content just chillin'. Kay tons of sidetracking done. Now time to finally sleep.

herro, summer...

i haven't seen you in a while & in all honesty i missed you a lot. (: now that you're here let the fun begin. 4 months...let's go! no high expectations to be honest. whatever happens, happens. so let's not get our hopes up! last summer was amazing & i couldn't ask for a better way to start off my first yr of college. for right now, every day's pretty much been routine. sleep @ 3 am, wake up super late, choose to go out, or choose to stay in. haven't visited the gym in a while. but power walks are my best friend, too. disneyland in less than a month. can't wait. a yr away from disneyland? not cute. so let's make up for lost time. while we're waiting for everyone to get off from school, i've been pretty content with the people that've finished school already. guppy's, mountasia, chillin', etctera. more to come...

reunited

it's summer & everyone wants to see everyone...wherever, whenever. we'll bond with our new friends and reunite with old friends. there are some people i can't wait to see! (: as for the others, i don't think i'm ready to see them. :/ but i think know they'll be one day when we'll all see each other. whether i like it or not. everyone has changed, appearance, attitude, speech, etcetera, but when we all get together, we'll all go back to our old ways. just hope there'll be no drama. save that for yo mama, please.

on a happier note: i really love summer, so i hope this year's gonna be a good one. last year was thee best. love, love, loved it. but no vacation this year, so kawawa, but i guess more time to explore CA. so far, it's been pretty good to me. won't do anything too crazy, just a little dosage of rebellion every now & then.

they're like shoes on your hands

seriously my nail idol. even though she looks like an alien. she still trendy, btches.

Lazy Days

Today is one of the few days I turn down going out. I know I'm not gonna really study even though I'm supposed to. But I'd rather stay in for today. A little "me" time is something I kinda need right now. Sit around, watch tv, play with little motherese, text, go on fb & AIM, what could be better? Actually, a lot of things would be way better, but I just can't find a motive to change that. I have a project due in 2 days. Haven't started 'cause I don't have a fck about what we're supposed to do. But what I do know is that it's supposed to be about me & my personal development. Riiight. But I've grown in a lot of ways, inside & out. So kudos to me! I really have no staples/office depot supplies to start on this ish, but I found a few things that were lying around. Some sharpies, an unused scrapbook, stickers, letters, & a ticket from an nsync concert. Hope these'll actually help me with this project 'cause I'm super lazy to drive. I needa get some pictures, so a little of that & some tape/glue & I'm done! Time to start. Let's go creative juices.

Whatta waste

I've been making a list of the things they don't teach you at school.
They don't teach you how to love somebody.
They don't teach you how to be famous.
They don't teach you how to be rich or how to be poor.
They don't teach you how to walk away from someone you don't love any longer.
They don't teach you how to know what's going on in someone else's mind.
They don't teach you what to say to someone who's dying.
Honestly, they don't teach you anything important.
-Neil Gaiman

shallow...

but who isn't really? scoping at guys coming in & out, my friend asked me "yes or no" & without hesitation i said "no" at least 5 times with one glance at each one passing me by. then the words "you're so shallow. i never knew how picky you were. what kind of guys do you like?" came out of my friend's mouth. really? it may seem that way due to my "5 hottest celebrity" picks. *ahem* james franco, channing tatum, david beckham (: looks may play a big part, but i can look fcking skin deep. haha FORREAL. everyone says they have a "type" of guy/girl they go for & it's pretty true. i've noticed a pattern in the types of guys i go for. looks wise, no. personality wise, yes. make me laugh, be a gentleman & make an effort. simple as that. nothing more, nothing less. but if you bugging me 24/7, don't think so.

It's About To Be A...

GIRL FIGHT! hahaha naw just playing. i'm just a little annoyed with everything at the moment. it's the last thing i want to deal with right now. i have more important things to worry about. but i really wanna get this over with right now. puhlease. in all honesty, this could've all been avoided if you shut your mouth. how easy is that to do? REALLY EASY. so get ready 'cause your fun's about to end. watch yo back 'cause imma tell you what's up. imma let you say what you have to say & if you have nothing to say to my face...stop talking sht (: thaaank yooouu &


AMEN.

Reality

It finally kicked in. What to do now? Just hope for the best. Nothing comes easy, & I had to learn that the hard way. After a year of college, I still realized I don't really know what I want to do for the rest of my life. Nothing comes easy, but if it's what you like, it'll come easier because it's what you want to do. At the moment I'm a little disappointed. I just wish I could've done things a little differently & had more motivation to just do what I had to do. I'm sad to say that I took my opportunity here for granted. Easy to get in, hard to stay in. A seriously 'do work' kinda school. Never thought I'd see the day that I'd actually not succeed. But hey, that's reality & I can't blame anyone but myself. I was given another chance, but I missed it completely. Maybe third time's a charm? Hope so. But on a lighter note: to everyone who made my year at the hell mountain worthwhile, imma miss you, no doubt about that (:

forreal, REFRESH.

allada

my fans (: CR8<3 ish

i love...

how every song on the radio's about getting drunk. i just LOVE IT. it makes me wonder what type of music will be playing 10 yrs from now. they've pretty much sang/rapped about everything & anything. to be honest, the dumbest songs are the most popular ones. nowadays, nobody wants to listen to a sappy, emo song on the radio. they want to listen to a song they can dance to. forreal. but it does make me appreciate the songs from the bands that were out when i was a little ballada, like nsync, spice girls, backstreet boys, britney spears & christina aguilera. mos def i believe that nobody can replace them, not even the fuggin joebros or hannah montana. i mean c'mon, the bands back in the '90s set the bar high. i pretty much had a "pop" phase, so hello white side. & though some people may say i talk "ghetto", it don't mean i listen to the ghetto. though i do like to listen to t-pain & kanye every so often. but that's beside the point. scroll through my ipod & you'll find music that'll make you go "wtf is this?" but whatever i like it. give it a chance & you'll like it too! promise. aka M.I.A., dashboard confessional, all-american rejects, adele, the killers etcetera. there are some songs that you just hafta listen to a few times then you'll learn to love it. but as for now, listen to the beat, then the lyrics, & appreciate music. gracias (:

Cutsey

made me laugh a little. thank you postsecret (:

Say whaa?

Nothing philosophical, just some venting happiness.
How is it that two people can act like complete strangers even though they both know each other inside & out? Sometimes you think that you've wasted your time making an effort to get so close to another person & then you realize that people come & go in your life. You try & forget someone, but in all honesty, you'll always remember them in some way. You can't hold on to silly things like that. You hafta just move on & realize, it happened. So work with what you got, not what you had. It is true that you can't go looking for love, it has to find you. It can be right in front of you, but once you're really ready, everything'll fall into place. You can love something one day, and the next day you can care less about it. You can give away your heart, and hope the other person doesn't break it. But with all this talk about love, in the end heartache is inevitable. So enjoy it while it lasts & don't take any second for granted. Lesson learned.