Do what it do.

As indecisive as I am, I still know what I want. I'm not gonna lower my standards cause it'll satisy someone else's needs, so being that way don't make me a btch. But sometimes I just need to learn how to say "no". I'm beginning to learn that it's gotten me & is gonna get me into awkward situations. When I've gone too deep, I can't seem to fuggin get myself out of it ASAP. Eventually, but never quick enough.

It's not really my priority to jump into something if I'm not ready. When I'm ready, the world will know. As for now, I don't really care. I really hate the pressure, so let me make my own decisions. But give me your input when I ask for it. For right now, I'm pretty chill the way things are. Give it time, it'll be mofouggin worth it. (:

Over it, fasho!

I've finally let go & it feels so fuggin good. It takes me a while to get over something that meant so much to me before & that's just me. I'm not gonna straight up ask for advice, I pretty much listen to my gut, but if I'm totes stuck, I'll give you the heads up. But oh yeah, I realized I attract the "nasties with great personalities." Whatta gift. Haha but forreal, I'm too nice for the world. If I come on as leading someone on, tell me. But I think whether I like you, or not, I'll talk to you the same way. Chill & straightforward. & with thee esstra happy faces, don't feel special. Everyone gets 'em. Just saying. As for now, I don't know what to do with everything else. Maybe I'll just keep 'em. I mean I'm never gonna forget all of it completely, right? But I can finafckingly say, I'M OVER IT. <33333333

FUG.

No. Please & thank you.

if i see you, i think i'd wanna walk the other way and never turn back. as long as it's been, i'm not ready to see you. even though it's summer, imma try any way to avoid the day we come into contact. i'm okay & i know for a fact that you are too. so with this entire "go our separate ways" deal, let's keep it that way. i'm not mad at you, i never was. i just know for a fact that i'm not ready to see you again and don't take that as an offense. i'm not gonna pretend to be happy to see you, that's just not fair. i think the whole being friends thing's gonna take longer than i hoped. things are back to the way they used to be, and i can honestly say, i'm finally happy again. it's as if we never knew the other existed & i think that's how things were meant to be all along.

UP

I've been having a totes hard time sleeping early. Insomnia has struck me bad. Thank you summer. 3am is the fuggin scary hour, but here I am, wide awake. Nothing planned for tomorrow/today. Spontaneity has been my back-up plan. I really can't believe that it's June already. Almost Sweet 19 (: Such an ugly number, but it's 2 away from the long waited 21. & so for the next two years, I'll just hafta stick it through. Growing older I've realized a few things.
-People come & go
-Be aggressive when necessary
-Things change, so be ready
-Sometimes the best thing is to move on
-Love what you have & who you are
& lastly
-Don't take anything, anyone or any day for granted.
* I'm still tryna keep these lessons imprinted in my mind. So bear in mind that I might forget 'em every now & then.
Random, but I fuggin cried about "11/12" two days ago. & in all honesty I don't know why. I guess THAT was what I needed to fully understand why things happened the way it did. I just had to tell the story one last time to finally let it all go. He was my first, & hopefully he won't be my last. Is it 'cause I have feelings for him still? Don't think so. They've been long gone. I think it's 'cause I just missed that feeling. I finally appreciated what I had, & it was taken away from me in a blink of an eye. It is true that you can't get over someone, unless someone else has replaced them. But what can I do? Answer: get back in the game. But I'm pretty content just chillin'. Kay tons of sidetracking done. Now time to finally sleep.

herro, summer...

i haven't seen you in a while & in all honesty i missed you a lot. (: now that you're here let the fun begin. 4 months...let's go! no high expectations to be honest. whatever happens, happens. so let's not get our hopes up! last summer was amazing & i couldn't ask for a better way to start off my first yr of college. for right now, every day's pretty much been routine. sleep @ 3 am, wake up super late, choose to go out, or choose to stay in. haven't visited the gym in a while. but power walks are my best friend, too. disneyland in less than a month. can't wait. a yr away from disneyland? not cute. so let's make up for lost time. while we're waiting for everyone to get off from school, i've been pretty content with the people that've finished school already. guppy's, mountasia, chillin', etctera. more to come...

reunited

it's summer & everyone wants to see everyone...wherever, whenever. we'll bond with our new friends and reunite with old friends. there are some people i can't wait to see! (: as for the others, i don't think i'm ready to see them. :/ but i think know they'll be one day when we'll all see each other. whether i like it or not. everyone has changed, appearance, attitude, speech, etcetera, but when we all get together, we'll all go back to our old ways. just hope there'll be no drama. save that for yo mama, please.

on a happier note: i really love summer, so i hope this year's gonna be a good one. last year was thee best. love, love, loved it. but no vacation this year, so kawawa, but i guess more time to explore CA. so far, it's been pretty good to me. won't do anything too crazy, just a little dosage of rebellion every now & then.